When You're Either Saint or Slut: The Madonna-Whore Complex is Still Hurting Women, Especially Therapists

Recently, I saw a post on LinkedIn from a man who casually referred to women psychologists, specifically, “beautiful, single, educated” ones as glorified prostitutes. According to him, we get paid to talk. Easy life, right?

That post stayed with me for days. Not because it shocked me. But because it didn’t.

It’s 2025. Women are leading companies, holding courtrooms, founding mental health collectives, and yes, running successful private practices. But scratch the surface, and you’ll still find the same tired binary dictating how we’re seen: the Madonna or the Whore.

Let’s talk about the Madonna-Whore Complex.

Coined by Freud and still painfully alive in our modern world, this complex draws a line in the sand. On one side: the pure, good woman. The nurturer. The wife. The therapist who never shows cleavage, never posts bikini photos, and always knows her place. On the other: the dangerous seductress. The woman with agency, opinions, and ambition. The woman who charges for her time, uses her voice, owns her sexuality and is instantly seen as suspicious.

Sound familiar?

Whether you're a psychologist, sex educator, entrepreneur, or simply a woman who dares to take up space, you’ve likely been on the receiving end of this moral sorting system.

The moment you challenge it by being outspoken, visible, or just professionally successful, you're not “good” anymore. You’re calculating. You’re attention-seeking. You’re too much.

But let’s go deeper. Why does this still stick?

At its roots, the Madonna-Whore Complex isn’t just about sex. It’s about power. It’s a form of control that keeps women small and compartmentalized. Either you’re nurturing and soft and worthy of protection, or you’re assertive, confident, and therefore dangerous. There’s no space for you to be complex, contradictory, or, God forbid, human.

For therapists, especially those of us who are women, younger, unmarried, or visibly feminine. This shows up in sharp and specific ways. Our competence is questioned. Our boundaries are tested. Our fees are resented. Clients, colleagues, even supervisors expect us to perform caretaking, not professionalism.

And if we refuse? We’re called cold. Or greedy. Or worse.

This isn’t just frustrating. It’s harmful.

It undermines the therapeutic relationship. It confuses clients about the role of a mental health professional. And it sends a message to women in the field especially students and early-career psychologists that if they want to be taken seriously, they better dull themselves down.

This is why internalized misogyny hits so hard. It teaches us to distrust each other, judge each other, and distance ourselves from anything that might make us look “less respectable.” We start whispering about that therapist who dresses “too sexy,” or that one who’s “always posting selfies.” We buy into the same narratives that were used against us. And we wonder why we feel stuck, unseen, or burnt out.

Healing from this isn’t just personal. It’s political.

It means rejecting the idea that you have to be either a saint or a slut. It means allowing yourself to be powerful and kind, intellectual and sexy, professional and emotional, all at once. It means recognizing that misogyny doesn’t disappear when you get a degree. Sometimes, it shows up because of it.

And to the guy on LinkedIn, if you’re reading this, I’d like to say thanks.

Because your outdated insult reminded me why I do this work. For the women building careers and communities. For the ones charging their worth. For the ones refusing to fit neatly into your boxes.

We are not here to be your Madonnas or your whores.

We’re here to heal. To disrupt. And to take up space, in whatever way we damn well please.

About the author:

Pritha Saha Dutta is a counseling psychologist based in Mumbai and founder of Indian Mental Health Summit